Crafting Agreements for Growth: A Guide to Safe Change in Work and Relationships

In today’s fast-paced world, navigating changes in your career, relationships, or personal identity can be daunting. The uncertainty and anxiety that often accompany these transitions can weigh heavily on anyone. However, using written agreements—both with yourself and others—can be a game changer. These agreements help reduce confusion, alleviate anxiety, and pave the way for sustainable change. In this guide, we will explore how to create effective agreements that promote personal growth and accountability without any added pressure or shame.

With Yourself: Self-Agreement

Understanding Your 'Why'

It’s important to start your journey with a strong foundation by identifying your core motivations. Your "why" is a personal statement connecting your values to your goals over the next 90 days. For instance, if health is crucial to you, your why statement could be: "I commit to improving my physical and mental health in the next 90 days to create a solid base for both my personal and professional lives." This clear direction helps to align your actions with what truly matters to you.

Establishing Non-Negotiables

Defining non-negotiables is essential for preserving your energy. Choose 2-3 key practices to commit to during your personal growth period. Here are some examples:

• Sleep Routine: Set a specific bedtime and wake-up time that allows for 7-8 hours of sleep.

• Daily Movement: Aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity daily, whether it’s a workout, walking the dog, or doing yoga at home.

  
  

• Focused Work Blocks: Dedicate at least one hour each day to work on your most important tasks without interruptions.

  
  

These non-negotiables offer a framework that supports your growth effectively.

Implementing Experiment Rules

To put your agreements into practice, consider time-bound trials. For example, challenge yourself to stick to your non-negotiables for two weeks. Define your success criteria: how will you measure your progress?

You could keep a journal where you note what worked, what didn’t, and any tweaks you might want for the future. This self-reflection will help make adjustments more manageable.

Conducting Weekly Reviews

Set aside a specific day and time each week for a personal review. Use these three prompts to guide your reflection:

1. What moved? Acknowledge the progress you've made toward your goals.

2. What mattered? Identify experiences that contributed significantly to your growth.

   
   

3. What to adjust? Consider any changes needed in your agreements or practices.

   
   

Regular reviews will keep you accountable and alert to necessary adjustments along your growth journey.

Creating a Repair Plan

Sometimes, you might not meet your goals. Have a repair plan ready so you can reset without judgment. This plan should include:

• Self-Compassion: Recognize that setbacks are normal and part of the process.

  
  

• Small Steps: Identify a manageable action you can take to get back on track.

  
  

• Support Check-In: Reach out to a friend or mentor for encouragement and accountability.

  
  

Setting Boundaries

Clearly outline what you will sidestep while you’re in your growth period. This could mean saying no to social events or limiting distractions during work hours. By setting boundaries, you create a protective space to focus on your personal development.

With Others: Relational Agreements

Clarifying Roles

When making agreements with others, it’s important to start by clarifying roles. Be explicit about who is responsible for what. For example, in a team project, you might say, “I will create the project timeline, and you will handle the budget.” This clarity helps to avoid misunderstandings and establishes clear expectations.

Establishing Check-In Cadence

Determine how often and through which methods you will communicate. For instance, agree to have a check-in every Wednesday at 4 PM via Zoom. This commitment keeps both parties aligned and accountable while encouraging open dialogue.

Creating a Support Map

Outline what kind of support you need from others. Avoid vague statements; be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “I need support,” try, “Could you provide feedback on my presentation by our Thursday meeting?” Additionally, clarify what types of support are not acceptable, such as unnecessary micromanaging, so you both understand the boundaries.

Defining Boundaries

Just like you set personal boundaries, it’s crucial to establish them in your interactions with others. For example, “I will answer emails between 9 AM and 10 AM; anything after will be addressed the next day.” These boundaries foster a collaborative environment where all parties know each other's availability.

Managing Conflict

Conflicts will occur, but managing them effectively is key. Create a conflict resolution plan that includes:

• Acknowledging Impact: Discuss how the conflict has affected both parties.

  
  

• Taking Responsibility: Recognize your role in the situation.

  
  

• Deciding Next Steps: Agree on actionable steps to move forward together.

  
  

This method encourages constructive communication and helps build stronger relationships.

Sustaining Your Agreements

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

As you develop your agreements, watch out for typical pitfalls like vague commitments and hidden expectations. These can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations. Ensure your agreements are specific, clear, and well-documented.

Scheduling Regular Reviews

To keep your agreements relevant, set regular review dates—monthly or quarterly, depending on your needs. Use these sessions to evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and how both parties can better support each other going forward.

Embracing Growth Through Agreements

Creating agreements, both with yourself and with others, can offer a safe framework for growth. By clearly defining expectations and reducing ambiguity, you empower yourself to take bold actions, be it asking for constructive criticism, launching a project with an 80% completion, or adjusting your service prices.

Remember that while willpower can waver, clear agreements give you the stability, focus, and drive needed during periods of change. Adopt this practical and compassionate approach to personal development, and watch your relationships and career thrive.

Implementing these strategies will not only bring you a sense of safety in your journey but also help you build a supportive network that encourages accountability.

As you progress, keep your core values front and center, and allow your agreements to guide you toward meaningful and lasting change.

If you’d like a calm, no-pressure space to craft your first agreement and leave with a 7-day experiment you can start today, book your free 20-minute session